beautiful failure

Posted on Wednesday, 15 October 2014

I had the afternoon off from work, a rarity these days. I live for these precious moments and have to remember to take them more often. Living an artist life means barely making it month to month or working odd jobs to make it each month but then loosing so much time to work on, well your art! So when I get these quiet moments to myself and I should be cleaning or sleeping all I want to do is create. So for this afternoon I did an impromptu shoot because I had left over flowers from all the events of the weekend and have always wanted to experiment with making a flower crown. In a not so proper flower crown making way I managed to put something together that was very beautiful. You can't even see the pink tape I used to attached the flowers together. Funny how that resembles life, always trying to hide the flaws and mask it with perfection. But what if the flaws were perfect, every mistake and every failure setting us up to be exactly where we should be.

I recently submitted one of my scripts to a screenwriting competition and I was so confident that I would at least make the list of 30 semifinalists. Well I didn't and when I found out I felt it, I felt the pains of "maybe I shouldn't do this, maybe Im not good?" We are always looking for approval, someone to tell us that something is good or that we are good. But if something calls to you at a soul level then you should be doing it, period. Gone with the Wind was rejected 38 times and Harry Potter was rejected 12 times before they were published and we all know their legacy.

I have these grand plans for my life, my feature film that I want to get into a big festival and win all these accolades because it will prove to people that I have made it, that I am seen as a serious and talented actor and writer. Or at least that's what my ego wants. And what if that doesn't happen? Does it diminish my work in any way? It surely doesn't and that is what I need to remember. Success is working towards a goal. Failure is the beauty of the attempt, it shows you things you could never have seen without it. Our goal should always be happiness and that is something you can choose at any moment.

"Live as to be detached from the outcome, do it all because it resonates with your highest self in response to your beseeching inner voice, not because of rewards that may come your way." Wayne Dyer 

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